My Leopard-Print (Literally) Bluefly Closet Confession

So, Bluefly is doing some contest called Closet Confessions, where you upload a photo of the most absurdly asinine thing you own for a chance to win some Bluefly bucks. I'm not usually the type to enter contests since I'm horrible at taking photos and making videos (which is why you'll usually see neither on this site, unless it's a Blackberry photo and I'm feeling saucy). But I knew I was sitting on top of a goldmine (or shit show, depending on your vantage point), because WHO ELSE OUT THERE IS HARBORING A LEOPARD-PRINT POLYESTER JUMPSUIT?


Yes, that actually is a salmon-colored (like, if you laid a piece of lox down on top of it, it'd camouflage so perfectly that you'd only be able to find it again by the smell) polyester jumpsuit -- not a dress, as there are TWO DEFINED LEGS! -- covered in leopards. The leopards, for some reason, have comically long white whiskers. And, it's just the gift that keeps giving, as it's got WOODEN buttons, an intense collar, and a drawstring. You know -- to emphasize your waist. As if anyone's gonna notice your waist. It's so Mrs. Roper, who's always been a style icon to me, and sadly I don't mean that with a hint of irony (nor, clearly, a shred of dignity).

I got this from a since-shuttered vintage store in the East Village, probably in 2002 or so, when I lived downtown. I remember seeing it and basically hearing angels sing. I've only ("only!") worn it once, and that was to a party Cat, our old roommate Holly, and I were throwing. The last time I tried it on it appeared to have, um, ahem, "shrunk," but that doesn't mean it won't be resurrected at some point. I'm not even sure if it fits at this point, but I certainly can't part with it. A closet without a leopard-printed jumpsuit is no closet I'd want to call my own.

+ Here's my entry if you'd like to vote for me. Johnny WEIR is choosing the winner, and I love him like I love cats, and I love cats to an unhealthy degree.

I'm Breaking My No Wedges Rule For These Alexandre Birmans

($795, Alexandre Birman, Neimanmarcus.com)

Usually I live life in the wedge-free zone, not because I'm not into wedges but only because I can't walk in them. However, I'd gladly break my wedge ban for these gorgeous Alexandre Birman (the Brazilian shoe designer who CAN'T NOT make sexy/exotic safari-from-the-comfort-of-an-SUV heels) python wedges. They're so gorgeous --- delicate-looking yet tough -- and so visceral that they almost look alive. Bluefly has a few pairs of Alexandre Birman, but it's Just. Not. The Same.

Fashion Facts I Slept On: Rebecca Minkoff At Bluefly!!!!

Shame shame SHAME on me for not knowing that Bluefly.com has MAD Rebecca Minkoff bags!!!

($170, Rebecca Minkoff, Bluefly.com)

You ought to be adding this black-and-blue Rebecca Minkoff Morning After Bag post HASTE!

($285, Rebecca Minkoff, Bluefly.com)

SAMESIES for this black embossed suede Morning After Bag. So soft I could rest my head upon it and use it as a pillow.

Pointless Desires: Silver Oxfords

Ugh. So, Christian Louboutin or Yohji Yamamoto or someone fancy pants made some fancy shiny silver Oxfords or brouges or whatever. I'm not even coveting those, but I DO want these simpler silver jazz shoes:

($100, Labour Of Love, Farfetch.com)


($132, Candela, Bluefly.com)


($595, Christian Louboutin, Net-a-porter.com)

Thoughts on these Christian Louboutin glittery "Fred" jazz shoes? Ridiculous, but with the black-and-white outfit, they're cool in a Michael Jackson way. (Btw, news you can use: Christian Louboutin custommade the shoes the dancers wore in the Michael Jackson tribute at this year's VMAs.)

Big, Chunky Necklaces, Big Bills

Yeah, that header was a stretch. Whatevz. Love these big-ass chunky necklaces. And by the way, I'm STILL on a quest to find that elusive, indescribable neon necklace! HALP PLEEZ!!1

($318, Issy Salomon, Charmandchain.com)

I love the hi/low combo here -- hot pink punked-out Lucite mixed with more upscale-y glass beads and rhinestones. By the way, I have an awesome Issy Salomon necklace that I bought at Edge NY in Soho (go check it out -- it's like the Young Designer's Market) from Issy himself, who's extremely nice. I'm such a Lucite whore.

($200, Nicole Romano, Vivre.com)

This one's got a sweet, sorta post-apocalyptic vibe to it.

($350, Givenchy, Macy's)

Stand-out piece frm Givenchy's Neon Collection, available at select Macy's. A total Deco dream
in crystal and hematite.

Okay, so WHAT would you wear with these statement necklaces? NOTHING! JK, whores. How about either a really simple black dress, OR a grey dress, since it's ALWAYS the new-new black. Like so?

($35, Lulu's)


($158, Karoo, Bluefly)

Sweet color-blocked cashmere!

... And, as promised, "Big Bills." See? Full circle, people. Full circle.

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