REVEALED: I Bought These Christian Louboutin Clou Noeud Spikes!

($1195, Christian Louboutin, Barneys)

Oops. I confused "I bought these" with "I'd look really amazing in these." Sorry. Won't happen again.

Discount Vs. Designer: Matiko Does Christian Louboutin's Rollerball Studded Loafers!

Christian Louboutin, or, as Paris Hilton likes to say, Christian Loubuiton's studded Rollerball loafers have been on my fantasy fashion wish list for a fortnight. Obviously, since they're a grand, they're staying in the realm of the virtual and not the actual. BUUUUT, thanks to Matiko, a less-bad-ass version -- their "Leila" studded loafers -- could be mine for just $119. And guess what? THEY WILL! Just try and WATCH me not buy 'em!

($995, Christian Louboutin, Saks)

($119, Matiko, Solestruck.com)

And Christian Louboutin's Zebra Pack studded loafers will top my fantasy fashion list probably forever. They're like the late, great Mark Bolan in shoe form.

theOutnet.com's Shoe Collection Is Giving Me Inappropriate Urges

Seriously, I'm getting tingly... now the tingling is turning to numbness. I may or may not be blacking out. Isn't this how Michael Hutchence died?

Check out theOutnet's -- Net-a-Porter's younger, hipper, CHEAPER, sister -- shoe selects. Designer shoes, discount prices.

($238, Chloe, theoutnet.com)


($199, Chloe, theoutnet.com)



($115, Marc Jacobs, theoutnet.com)

($232, Bally, theoutnet.com)

Gahhhh these silver Bally heels so have my name on them. Unfortunately, my credit cards have my name on them too.

($532, Christian Louboutin, theoutnet.com)

Usually I don't freak out and make a total jackass out of myself and act all like OMFG SEX AND THE CITY IS MY FAVORITE MOVIE AND I NEED JIMMY CHOOS AND LOUBOUTINS BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT CARRIE BRADSHAW WORE AND OUR LIVES ARE SOOOOOO ALIKE BECAUSE WE BOTH LIKE BOYS AND HAVE GIRL FRIENDS AND LIKE CLOTHES AND LAPTOPS and shit over Louboutins, but these Prive Louboutins are spesh.

Five Of The Ugliest Shoes I've Seen In Ages

Horbs shoes, in no particular order. Because does ugly really need an order?

($720, Dolce & Gabbana, Luisaviaroma.com)

Sure The Elton John Museum is aware of the recent robbery that took place there...

($1324, Christian Louboutin, Luisaviaroma.com)

Nope. Sorry. You either get to be a boat shoe OR a stiletto, but not both. (Sorry, Fergie.)

($1306, Valentino, Luisaviaroma.com)

It's bad enough that Bea Arthur recently passed away. Did Valentino really have to DEFACE the Golden Girls' beloved couch on top of it?

($595, Pucci, Net-a-porter.com)

These could actually be cute if... no wait. They could never be cute.

($41, Costumes4less.com)

Six and a half inches of faux wood and weep.